The Transportation Security Administration announced yesterday that it would deign to allow airline passengers from the United States the “privilege” of carrying tiny little pocket knives, ski poles and golf clubs aboard flights beginning April 25th.
Despite the recommendation from an internal TSA working group that the items represent no real danger; i think that we’ve all seen enough zombie movies to know better! I mean… if Flight Of The Living Dead has taught us anything, it’s that golf clubs and pocket knives are absolutely essential to surviving the zombie apocalypse during a midair flight!
Through TSA’s layered approach to security, and to align more closely with International Civil Aviation Organization standards, effective April 25, 2013 TSA will allow knives that do not lock, and have blades that are 2.36 inches or 6 centimeters or less in length and are less than 1/2 inch in width, novelty-sized and toy bats, billiard cues, ski poles, hockey sticks, lacrosse sticks and two golf clubs as part of their carry-on baggage. This is part of an overall Risk-Based Security approach, which allows Transportation Security Officers to better focus their efforts on finding higher threat items such as explosives.
Unfortunately cricket bats are still on the official list of verboten items, so you’ll just have to stow your sweet Shaun Of The Dead moves for now. But it’s good to see a governmental agency at least begin to use common sense measures… especially when it also just happens to defend a citizen’s right to defend themselves during the zombie uprising, regardless of their preferred method of travel.
Of course, despite actually admitting that the new rules were designed to make “the lives of TSA staff easier…” Transport Workers Union Local 556 has decided to deride the decision for some reason. Stacy K. Martin, the clueless president of Southwest Airlines’ Flight Attendants Union, even went so far as to say that decision should be “immediately rescinded.”
While i hate to take the side of any unnecessary government agency (but i repeat myself)… i think the message here is pretty clear: the Transport Workers Union Local 556 wants you to die; unarmed, defenseless and scared to death, thousands of miles above the ground, when the inevitable zombie apocalypse finally comes. For shame!